Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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