apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
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I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
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Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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