Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She bit a glass in half.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He? As in you personified your dick?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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