This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
