just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
