so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
