Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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