"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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