I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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