I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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