I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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