My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
