i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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