At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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