All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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