I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.