Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.