so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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