this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."