a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
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I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
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just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won