I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.