Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
