I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
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I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
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I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience