also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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