He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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