there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
