I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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