Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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