also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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