I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
where am i from again
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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