How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
