I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
