I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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