areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
