Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
