So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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