I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
