sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
