I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
