ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
