You smell like stripper and shame
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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