omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
