why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
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My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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