turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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