She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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