Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Oh god it's open bar.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
