I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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