he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
