He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
