she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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