Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
well you can't waste a boner
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize