somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
