I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
