Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
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we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
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I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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