Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
