I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
