After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
