just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
