wakey wakey hands off snakey
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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