I wish I only lived at night.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
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I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
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Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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