puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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