I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Operation Purity has been aborted
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize
