Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Randomize
