Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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