that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
